Pronoun Display on Dating Apps: How It Works and How to Use It
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Pronoun Display on Dating Apps: How It Works and How to Use It

SwingersUK Team· 13 min read

Pronoun Display on Dating Apps: How It Works and How to Use It

Woman reviewing pronouns on her dating profile

Pronoun display means showing the words you want people to use for you (she/her, he/him, they/them or others) on your dating profile, either in a dedicated field or written into your bio. It takes ten seconds, it prevents awkward or hurtful mix-ups before a first message, and you are never obliged to do it. This guide covers what it means, why people do it, how to add yours, how to respond to someone else’s, and what to do if you would rather not show them.

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TL;DR

  • Pronouns are the words used to refer to someone’s gender in conversation, such as “he”, “she” or “they”.
  • Showing them on your profile helps avoid misgendering and can signal that you are a safe person to talk to, including if you are cisgender.
  • Some apps have a dedicated pronoun field. Others need you to type them into your bio.
  • Use the pronouns shown, never guess from a photo or name, and ask politely when nothing is displayed.
  • Display is optional. “Ask about my pronouns” is a valid alternative.

Table of Contents

What pronoun display on a dating profile means

Stonewall’s glossary defines pronouns as the words used to refer to people’s gender in conversation, such as “he”, “she” or “they”. On a dating app, displaying them simply puts that information where a match can see it before anyone writes a message.

You will usually see pronouns in one of three places:

  1. A dedicated profile field, often shown next to your name or in a short details section.
  2. Your bio text, typed by you, for example at the start or end of your description.
  3. Your display name or headline, which some members use so pronouns appear in search results and message lists.

According to Elite Daily, some apps offer dedicated pronoun fields while others require users to add them to their biography manually. So the first thing to check in any app is whether a field exists. If it does not, the bio is your option, and it works just as well.

Pronouns are not the same as gender or orientation

Pronouns, gender identity and sexual orientation are three separate pieces of information. Someone using they/them is telling you how to refer to them. They are not necessarily telling you anything about who they want to date. Treat each as its own detail, and do not read one from another.

Why people add pronouns, even when they are cisgender

It is fair to ask why someone whose pronouns seem “obvious” would bother. There are three solid reasons.

It signals safety. For trans and gender non-conforming daters, seeing pronouns in a profile can act as a green flag that a potential match is a safe person to interact with, according to Elite Daily. Meeting strangers carries real nerves for many trans people, and a small signal of respect up front matters.

It normalizes the conversation. Metro reports that sharing pronouns helps normalize and encourage discussion about gender, and challenges the idea that gender is always visible or obvious. When everyone does it, nobody who does it stands out.

It avoids accidental misgendering. LGBT consultant Gina Battye, quoted in the same Metro piece, describes including pronouns as a simple and effective way to show respect for individual identities and avoid misgendering. Nobody wants to start a conversation with a mistake, and this removes the guesswork for both sides.

Three reasons people share pronouns

The other side: why some people skip it

Not everyone wants to display pronouns, and that is allowed. The University of Manchester says that sharing pronouns helps normalize the practice and prevent misgendering, but that there is no obligation to display them. It suggests “ask about my pronouns” as an alternative.

Reasons people give for leaving them off include privacy, being unsure of their own pronouns yet, using different pronouns in different settings, or simply not wanting to put a label on a profile. Respect all of these. A missing pronoun field is not a red flag, and it is not an invitation to guess.

How to show your pronouns on a dating app

The exact menu names differ between apps and change often, so look at your own app’s profile editor rather than relying on a screenshot from a guide. The general process is the same almost everywhere.

  1. Open your profile editor. Look for “Edit profile”, “About me” or a similar option.
  2. Look for a pronoun or gender section. If there is one, choose from the list provided. Some lists let you pick more than one.
  3. If there is no field, use your bio. Put pronouns in the first line so they are seen straight away, for example: “She/her. Couple, 30s, here for friendship first.”
  4. Consider your photo captions or display name if you are on a platform that shows these before your bio.
  5. Check the preview. View your profile as another member would, so you know pronouns are visible where you expect.
  6. Update when things change. Pronouns can change, and your profile should keep up.

Good ways to word it in a bio

  • Simple: “He/him” or “They/them”.
  • More than one: “She/they”, meaning either is fine.
  • For couples: list both partners clearly, for example “Alex (he/him) and Sam (she/her)”. On a couple profile this stops anyone guessing who is who.
  • If you prefer not to state them: “Happy to chat about pronouns” or “Ask about my pronouns”.

Keep it short. Pronouns are information, not a manifesto, and a line that is quick to read is more likely to be read.

How to respond when someone displays pronouns

The rule is simple: use what is shown. When you message a match, refer to them with the pronouns displayed on their profile, whatever you assume from a photo.

A few practical habits help:

  • Do not infer from appearance or name. Stonewall’s Head of Trans Inclusion, Kirrin Medcalf, says people should not assume pronouns from a name or appearance, because that can reinforce harmful gender roles.
  • Use them naturally, not awkwardly. When you mention someone to a partner or friend, use their pronouns in passing, as you would any other detail.
  • Correct yourself briefly. If you slip, say “sorry, they” and move on. A long apology makes the other person look after your feelings.
  • Remember the context. Elite Daily notes that pronoun usage may vary depending on context, and that trans and gender-nonconforming people may feel nervous about safety when meeting new people. If someone says they use different pronouns in different settings, follow their lead and ask before using them in front of others.

Never turn pronouns into a filter for a comment

You may see debates about whether it is “normal” to list pronouns. You do not have to take part. A match’s pronouns are their information to share, and a profile is not the place to argue about it. If you are not comfortable with a member’s profile, you can simply not engage.

How to ask when pronouns are not shown

Plenty of profiles will show nothing. That is fine, and asking is better than guessing. Elite Daily says that asking is a respectful way to avoid assumptions based on appearance, and that it shows you are informed and attentive to the identities of trans and gender non-conforming people.

Timing and wording matter. Some options:

  • Offer yours first: “I’m Chris, he/him. What pronouns should I use for you?” This makes the question feel like an exchange, not a test.
  • Keep it low-key: “Quick question before we go further: what pronouns do you use?”
  • Take a no gracefully. If someone prefers not to say, use their name and avoid pronouns until they are ready.
  • Do not ask them to explain. The question is “what are your pronouns?”, not “why do you use those?”

Ask once, privately, and not in a group chat or comment thread. Then use the answer.

Pronouns in swinging and lifestyle spaces

In the lifestyle, profiles are often built around couples, groups and different configurations, and the people on them come from all parts of the LGBT+ and straight communities. That makes clarity useful. A profile that says who is who, and how to refer to each person, saves everyone from awkward early messages.

A few points that are specific to this setting:

  • Couple profiles need clarity. Name each partner and list each person’s pronouns, so a match knows who they are speaking to.
  • Consent starts with respect. Being addressed correctly is part of feeling safe enough to say yes, or no. It sits alongside clear boundaries, not apart from them.
  • Keep it in the profile, not the pressure. Nobody should be quizzed about their identity as a condition of conversation. Mutual interest first, details second.
  • Privacy matters. Many members are discreet. Choose what to display with that in mind, and remember you can leave pronouns out and invite the question instead.

Because swinging platforms bring together couples, singles and LGBT+ members, the same etiquette applies to everyone: read the profile, use what it says, ask politely if it is silent.

Our perspective: respect starts before the first message

We run a verified community for UK couples, singles and LGBT+ members, and what we see is that most uncomfortable first contacts come from assumption, not malice. Someone guesses a gender, guesses a role in a couple, or sends an opening line that ignores what the profile says. The result is a conversation that starts badly and often ends there.

Our perspective: respect starts before the first message — overview diagram

That is why we build around consent and mutual interest. Our Pulse Handshake System means messaging starts only once both people have shown interest, so every conversation begins with a person who wants to be there. We verify profiles with both AI and human review, so you are speaking to a real person, and our Guidelines set out the respectful behavior we expect from every member, with zero tolerance for harassment.

Our advice on pronouns is simple. Put yours in your bio if you are comfortable doing so, since it costs nothing and tells people how you want to be addressed. If you prefer not to, say “ask me”. When you message someone, read their profile fully first. Respect is not a feature, it is a habit, and it shows in the first line you write.

— Daniel

Staying safe and in control of your profile

Pronouns are one piece of what you share. Before you add any personal detail, think about who can see it.

  • Decide what is public. Share only what you are happy for every member to read.
  • Use privacy controls. On our platform, incognito and privacy settings let you manage who sees your profile. Premium features, including incognito mode, are described on our pricing page.
  • Check who you are talking to. Our ID verification process means members are reviewed before they are verified, which helps keep fake profiles and spam out.
  • Read the safety advice. Our Safety page covers how to protect yourself when chatting and meeting.
  • Report disrespect. If someone repeatedly ignores the pronouns you have stated, or mocks them, report it. That is a breach of respectful conduct, not a matter of opinion.

If you are meeting someone in person after chatting, tell a trusted friend where you are going, meet somewhere public first, and agree your boundaries beforehand. Trans and gender non-conforming members may feel particularly nervous about safety on first meetings, so a courteous, patient approach goes a long way.

A verified community where your profile is read properly

If you are looking for a UK community where profiles are verified, messages are never unsolicited and privacy is built in, you can join SwingersUK. You can browse the free features first and look at the membership options when you are ready for messaging, cam rooms and extra privacy tools. Couples, singles and LGBT+ members are all welcome, and every member is asked to follow the same standards of respect.

Quick checklist before you hit save

  • Pronouns in the first line of your bio, or in the dedicated field if there is one.
  • Each partner named and listed separately if you are a couple.
  • A line inviting questions if you prefer not to state them.
  • A profile preview checked from another member’s point of view.
  • Privacy settings reviewed.
  • A first message that uses the pronouns shown, and asks politely when nothing is shown.

FAQ

What pronouns should I use on dating apps?

Use the ones you want others to use for you, whether that is she/her, he/him, they/them, a combination or something else. You do not need to justify your choice. If you are unsure, you can write “ask about my pronouns”, an option the University of Manchester suggests, and sort it out in conversation.

What does pronoun mean on a dating app?

It is the label showing how a person wants to be referred to, such as “he”, “she” or “they”, according to Stonewall’s glossary definition. It sits on the profile so matches can address you correctly from the first message. It does not tell you a person’s sexual orientation or who they want to date.

Do I have to display pronouns on my profile?

No. There is no obligation to show them, and some members prefer to keep that detail private or to discuss it in conversation. If you leave them off, treat other people the same way: do not guess from their photo, and ask politely if you need to know.

Should cisgender people add pronouns too?

It helps. Elite Daily reports that seeing pronouns can signal to trans and gender non-conforming daters that you are a safe person to interact with. When cisgender people add them as well, the practice becomes normal, so nobody who lists theirs is singled out.

What if an app has no pronoun field?

Write them in your bio, ideally in the first line, or in your display name if the app shows it prominently. Elite Daily notes that many apps require users to add pronouns manually in this way. It works just as well as a dedicated field, as long as you check that it is visible on your preview.

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